From the outside, I could see this. From outside her metal hurricaine, I could see that the 70 years of memories that Ms. Patty had saved, accumulated and earned, the treats of her 7 decades well spent on this Earth, that were to gently take her through the Golden Years of her life and peacefully lay her to rest, memories that she WAS here, it WAS special and she did it WELL, WERE GONE and no more. I could see that her lifes plan had been fundamentally changed. I was on the outside. It was quite clear to me.

But to her, stuck on the inside, it was much foggier.

And as I sat there, leaning against a different destroyed home, watching Ms. Pattys delusion in live motion, I got sad. Even more sad and a painful throb developed in my chest and stomach. In that moment, the metal disorder of the city became quite clear to me. This was one woman in Lake View who had lost everything but her life. And now her mind was starting to slip too. She was not prepared to start her life over again. She had saved enough money to take herself to the finish life. And that was it. She had kept the things that made her feel alive. And now they were gone and I witnessed as she fended off the demons in her head that wanted to bring her death. Her mind was becoming as poisoned as her house. And I couldnt take it anymore.

I stood up and headed for her house. I walked through the moldy doorframe and found Mrs. Patty on her knees picking at the corners of a piece of A-4 paper stuck in the floor. I crouched next to her and in a muffled voice through my mask, asked if I could help, upon which she shot a piercing look straight from her swollen red eyeballs and said noting. Her stare said it all. It cursed me viciously. And then I realized Ms. Patty didnt wear a mask. She hadnt all day. No gloves. No protection. In a back brace, gloves, goggles and a particle gas mask, I was a walking insult to her memories. I declared for all to see, that her life WAS CONTAMINATED. The mere sight of me said (Ms. Patty, your life is poisoned. And I dont want any bit of it to even touch my flesh. Thats what I think of the state of your life right now in this moment.) And that was a direct insult to her. Understandably.

For someone who doesnt even believe her belongings should be thrown away, it is a far reach that everything is TOTALLY CONTAMINATED.

Upon this realization, for the first time in weeks, I removed my goggles and mask inside a flooded house. The air was dense and tasted like mushrooms. The human connection was immediate. I spoke directly to her and repeated my question. (Can I help you Ms. Patty?) She informed me that she had found a term paper she had written in college but it was now set in the floor.

It was painfully obvious that these pieces of paper would never be saved, but I pulled back out my Exact-O blade and tried my best to catch an edge and lift the sticky pages from their molded prison. Like her wedding photo, which I never told her about, they crumbled as my blade sliced here and there. In a weak effort to give her some sort of hope, I told her we may be able to remove them once we took the carpets out and could work on them outside. She nodded. And then asked that I help carry some things to her car. (Absolutely), I said.

We headed outside and as she hobbled through the yard, I noticed her shoulders were considerably more hunched now than they were earlier in the morning. She continued to mumble as she hobbled and it became quite apparent that she was internalizing the pain, loss and separation she was experiencing. Over the course of a day, her body had contorted, balled and cramped in to a crooked knot of angles and flexed unforgiving muscle. She was now in both physical and emotional pain.

Mrs. Patty lead me to a pile of splintered and bloated wood and pointed to some other scraps for me to carry to her car. I picked them up and I shook my head breathing heavy as I watched her load these poisoned and utterly worthless items in to her back seat. They were gone. They were dead. No more. They had been lost. Never to come back again. Never to be resurrected. But Ms. Patty couldnt see that. Her eyes saw something else. Probably what they ONCE WERE. 14 months ago. I just kept thinking, (Do not take these with you. They are gone. LET THEM GO. LET IT ALL GO.) But I couldnt. I just couldnt.